If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that celebrities are really the ONLY way we know what the hell to do when we’re determining our “unique” style. Will my highly personal, extremely individual style be Hugh Jackman today, or perhaps I’ll go for a Curtis Stone and live on the edge? I really need to be ME, and I don’t know how I could possibly do THAT without putting on my Ashton Kutcher outfit and styling my hair into a Paul Walker.
I met this hot girl the other night who really likes to flaunt her Jolie look, so maybe busting out a Brad Pitt would help me get in the door…
Oh damn… There’s one problem… Even if we really clicked, I don’t think we could be highly individual enough to pull off a Brangelena without the hottest accessory in town…
Of course you know… I mean it’s only hanging from the neck of Sandra Bullock on the cover of People Magazine this week…
Listen Up Everyone: The HOT new accessory for this spring has sprung:
Black Babies are where it’s at.
Of course, you MUST have known this product would take off… “Black Baby” just rolls off the tongue… And the skin tone goes SO well with Louis Vuitton…
I mean, is it really a surprise that Sandra named her latest little accessory “Louis”?
Now the hard-core trend setters like Madonna, ex-Brangelina and Tom Cruise were all way ahead of the curve on this. Truly they SET the curve… and it’s really picking up speed. Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw, Jeoly Fisher, Hugh Jackman, Mary-Louise Parker all jumped on-board… But People Magazine has splattered their cover with photos of Sandra Bullock and her little Louis accessory, and I for one think it’s great!
You see, I was never one for Chihuahuas, and that whole Paris Hilton puppy in a purse phase is SO 2007. I mean, pink and fuzzy had a good run… But we’ve milked it for enough years folks. It’s time to get back to basics, and NOTHING says “O.G.” more than brown and gold.
And the great thing is, you don’t have to pull a “Bruno” and go all the way to Africa! Thanks to Hurricaine Katrina, people have woken up to the fact that New Orleans is the Uganda of the United States… So you can avoid those pricey import fees by buying domestic!
Just think of how hot you’ll look with a cute little Louis, Gucci or Dolce (all highly suggested names) swinging from your shoulder!
Author’s Note:
You know, if just ONE celebrity did this, I wouldn’t blink. But celebrity after celebrity is starting to annoy the shit out of me.
Listen up you idiots:
There are children starving all around the world. Adopting ONE is a selfish, “look at me” kind of move, and yes we all see through it. I know that if feels great to pose with your new accessory-child-of-ethnicity in a narcissitic orgie of pseudo “altruism” in front photographers… it just feels so good. Especially when you’re a 30+ or 40-something celeb who really wants that lime light…
You want to make a difference?
You really care about the plight of these people?
How about selling one of your multi-multi-million dollar estates and building several schools, or a couple thousand wells? I guess helping out tens of thousands of unfortunate people doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy as spending 4 years waiting and working to get your own ‘designer baby’.
Next Up: Chinese-Baby-Slippers (spoiler: they’re disposable!)
Tags: Black Adoptions, Black Babies, Black Baby Adoptions, Sandra Bullock, stupid celebrities, stupid trends